A Noble Quest
by Warner Hedgehog
Summary: A short tale of a previous attempt to rescue the fire breathing pain-in-the-neck from the dragon. The story has now been further upgraded and a 3rd chapter has appeared. This is the ancient folk song version of the tale! It's called 'A Knight So Bold'. The tune in my head is in Dm and is similar to Greensleeves. Good luck with it at folk nights.
1. A Noble Quest

Sir Largely Combustible, knight and adventurer from the kingdom of Not Really That Far Away rode his noble steed, a black charger called Cherry Tree. His was a dangerous quest, one that involved a princess, rescue and mortal peril. It had started one day during one of King Rotund's regular gatherings: The court wizard had had made mention during one of his rambling stories of a princess in a tower surrounded by lava, guarded by a dragon with fame and fortune going to her rescuer. That evening, Largely had cornered the wizard and pressed the him for the princess's location. The wizard didn't know, but knew how to find out so an evenings scrying was instigated. The scrying had worked and thus Largely knew where to find the damsel in distress and the following day had set out on his daring mission. In his his mind it was simple: Damsel, tower, dragon and one brave knight: He'd be back in a week with a new wife and a ton of cash.

He never asked Cherry Tree's opinion, which was all very well because the horse wasn't impressed with any of this. He knew his master well and knew exactly what to expect: he'd rush in and rescue the dame, get her home, they'd be all dewy-eyed for a fortnight, then he'd get bored, ditch her and go on another moronic quest to rescue another airhead from some ridiculous situation, or she would realise he was a completely self-centered narcissistic berk and thus be the one doing the ditching.

After 2 day's ride Combusible knew he was close when a hint of brimstone hit his nose. When he got closer, the heat coming from the obligatory pit of lava was also a bit of a giveaway. Sitting on a plateau in its centre was the castle with one rather rickety way in. He dismounted Cherry Tree and made his way to the rope bridge. "Oh well, let's go slay a dragon." He muttered to himself.

He was unaware that for the last 10 minutes a pair of eyes had been on him: Watching him from her tower window was Fiona. "My my. Hello good sir knight," she said to herself, "would thou rescue me or would thou becomest toast?"

He crept into the castle and gently drew his sword. "Where are you Princess? Where are you dragon?" He whispered. As he slowly made his way along a corridor he looked up at a huge statue of a dragon on its hind legs. "I'm glad you're just a carving." He said. He was quite surprised when it lowered its head. He was even more surprised when it hit him full in the face with a fireball. Fiona sighed when she heard the sound of a knight being incinerated. "I guess you're toast. Very badly burned toast." She shook her head sadly and went back to her self defence book.

Dragon smirked to herself and went back to her lair and put another tally mark on her wall.

After about an hour of hanging around, Cherry Tree was getting bored, so he found a place where he could see the castle. He watched as the dragon lazily flew up, flaming into the sky and guessed correctly that his master wasn't returning and trotted off in search of grass.


	2. The Legend of Katie

**The Legend of Katie.**

When he became a knight, Sir Largely was very much aware that getting your image right was very important and having just any old sword wouldn't do, so he wanted something impressive that would hopefully make impressionable young ladies go 'ooooh!' and fall into his arms. He'd gone to the royal armourer and asked to see a selection of weapons and was shown a large variety of blades. At that point he didn't have much cash and couldn't afford the really big gem-encrusted rune-strewn shiny ones so had to opt for a reasonable looking cheap one.

He had taken it home, polished it till it gleamed, stuck some fake jewels on the hilt with low cost glue and inexplicably named it Katie. Sir Largely's DIY skills were poor at best and the jewels had fallen off after about two weeks but no-one really noticed, so instead of replacing them he had developed a habit of telling people his sword was magical. It was a lie, but as people never accompanied him on his quests it didn't really matter. The odd thing was, that while he thought he was fibbing through his teeth about Katie's magical powers, he was actually right: the Royal Swordsmith had accidentally created a magical sword. Katie, when held correctly threw up a magical field that protected the wielder from almost anything, including dragon fire. The protective aura glowed bright green and was quite a sight.

On his initial expeditions Sir Largely didn't see it, as when he had gone after dragons with Katie and they'd flamed him, he held the sword up like a shield and shut his eyes in terror. Surviving these encounters inflated his already oversized ego to hideous proportions. Eventually when he actually witnessed Katie's magic he became even more insufferable in court. Unfortunately for him when going after Fiona, Dragon's surprise attack had meant he wasn't able to raise the sword in time and thus ended the heroic and somewhat big-headed existence of Sir Largely Combustible. Due to Katie's spectacularly dull appearance, Shrek had ignored it completely as he ran through to grab the girl as had many other (now deceased) adventurers. Now the magical sword lies mostly forgotten. Maybe one day another self-centred armour-clad adventuring berk on the hunt for riches and a panicky damsel would explore the crumbling castle with its lake of slowly cooling lava and discover the dull yet magical weapon. Then again, maybe not.


	3. A Knight So Bold

The knight rode forth, for to find his bride

Guarded by a dragon fierce

His heart was true, the dragon's hide

His magic sword would surely pierce

* * *

The kingdom he left, on a noble quest

On his big black charging horse

In armour bright, looking his best

Certain of his cause

* * *

The castle was surrounded by molten rock and fire

He crossed the bridge into the fort to find his true desire

He knew his noble heart was as fearless as could be

And from the fearsome dragon he would never flee

* * *

In the castle, the knight did creep

to find the highest room

He drew his sword, but did not see

The dragon hid in gloom

* * *

The Magic failed, and did not protect

The knight so bold and brave

he was reduced to crispy toast

The castle was his grave

* * *

The castle's lake of boiled fury lost its hellish fire

And the damsel that the knight once sought was married to another

His black charger, a horse quite wise, knew his master's fate

Went sadly back to the kings court, another master to await

* * *

Where he lies, is not remembered

The adventurer is gone

All that remains of him is embers

His questing days are done

* * *

Someday maybe he will be found

Or his magic sword

A Man may take his knightly reigns

And the knight will ride once more


End file.
